I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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