I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
