we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
