she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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