you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
