He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
