Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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