Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
