Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I checked into jail on foursquare
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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