Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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