OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
