Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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