A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
