remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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