So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
