I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
