at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
