It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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