My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
