your thong is hanging out like whoa
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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