So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
