i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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