I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
