are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
