Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i think i just lost a toe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
