Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
