that's an acceptable place to lick
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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