i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
