is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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