I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
