Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lost the right to judge tonight
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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