his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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