so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
