I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
