I just made out with a guy for $7.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
