Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
