This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
