I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
