just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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