I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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Do I have a choice?
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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