I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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