I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
