i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
