Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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