Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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