i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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