SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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