Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
