I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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