my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
