my soul wont recognize me after tonight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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