All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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